Wednesday, May 03, 2006

A walk down memory lane again...

It was a lonely night wtihout Vinz around. The house was so quiet I could hear a pin drop on the carpet. I buried my head into my books and journals till wee hours of the morning. Then I decided to give my old friend from college, Ying, a call. We had a good time chatting for nearly 30 minutes when she had to hang up and get ready for work. I really miss Ying. It was always the 3 of us, Ying, Hilda and I. The trio whom KTJ students especially the boys named ''The 3 bitches''. Not proud to be named as one but that was how close we were. We ate, we studied, we went for classes, heck...sometimes we even camped in each other's bed together. Ohhh how I miss those days!!

It has been 4 years since we left college but we still keep in touch via phone and MSN and it is so good to know that our friendship has stood the test of time. We talked about how we hated each others' guts when we first stepped into Jawahir House. Thanks to our housemistress who realised how much we hated each other, we became close friends...the inseperable trio. She made the three of us work together on the college's Open Day project. We were to be in charge of the decorations of house's booth, the face painting activities and the balloon blowing. Heh...I remembered that we put two big balloons over our purple house t-shirt and we kept laughing and laughing as it looked so much like one of our Mat Salleh teacher in school :P

We talked about how our lives have changed since we left college. We talked about the string of boyfriends we had since then. We talked about our future. We talked about how different our thinking has become now when compared to our college days.

We still had the girly laughters. We still teased each others' funny moments in college like how Ying sat on a bowl of duck flavoured instant noodles and we had to eat it even though we just ate one 5 minutes ago. We laughed at Brian McKnight's ''Back at One'', the hockey stick, umbrella and the sound of crashing plates.

I miss Ying and Hilda. I miss our carefree life in college. We were three of a kind...the nerd, the street wise and the emotional.

We ended our conversation with....see you's and take care's, wondering when will the 'see you' bit materialise...


Tuesday, May 02, 2006

An Open Letter

An open letter to my dear friend...

Dear friend,
I know that sometimes you do come visit my blog and leave an occasional comment or two; that is the reason why I'm writing you this open letter. I know from your blog that you have decided to let go of a two year long distance relationship. You are so brave to let it go and maintain an open mind. I am sure that it must have hurt you so much to come to this conclusion but you were brave enough to make this step. There are many things in life that we cannot predict. There are many things in life that we want so much to happen but by twists of fates, it never happends.

When I look back at my own LDR nearly two years ago, I realise now how cowardly I was. There were no more sparks; no more chemistry; just cold calls and forced dedications of love. I was trying to window dress a relationship that was beyond any dressing up. No matter how much powder I tried to cover the bumps and bruises, the internal injury never healed. I thought I could be brave when the plug was pulled but again I was cowardly. I chose to hide behind the fact that the life of the relationship could be saved and revived again. I chose to open the doors to opportunities that never existed. It was a dark and lonely road for me. No one held my hand and showed me the way. No one said that everything would be ok. No one offered their shoulder for me to cry on because I kept on putting a facade; a facade that I have been putting on my entire life. I carried a face of strength, confidence and optimism. I never wanted to lose. I always wanted to win. The thought of losing irks me. The thought of winning spurred more facades.

I am proud of you my friend. You have chosen to end something which has stopped growing. Maybe this is the winter of your relationship. Maybe spring will come again for you. Or maybe this winter will last forever and ever. Like you said, maybe one day your paths may cross again. One can never know...only time will tell. But for now my friend...grieve if you want to. Don't bury your hurt under a million blankets. Don't be like me. Don't put on facades. I am always here to be your listening ear and your shoulder to cry on if you need any...


Thursday, April 20, 2006

Time for little update...

My poor blog has been left neglected for more than a month. So many things happend and so many things to tell. The holidays came and are nearly ending. The assignments piled up but were knocked down one by one diligently by me. The studying and revising are slowly building up but with faith I shall overcome it too. The assessment centre brought insights to myself that I never knew I had but at the end dampend my spirits and made me doubt my own abilities for a while. Nevertheless...I trudge on. I keep trudging. I complain. I do. I complain and I did. That's how my life has been in a nutshell for the past month.

Every night the thought of leaving this country and not being able to see the tulips grow again next spring worries and scares me. I was once so ready to be a patriotic Malaysian; to return to my homeland and contribute to our budding economy. But now...I long for the days to be longer. I long winter again. I lament at the ending of spring and the coming of summer for I know that my time here, in this country, in this country which I curse everyday is to be up soon. My job hunting here has not bore any fruit. But like a farmer harvesting nothing, I keep hoping and keep trying. Maybe one day I will harvest not nothing but something.....


Wednesday, March 01, 2006

We Have Come a Long Long Way...

5 years ago, I left my comfort zone. I left the only school that I have ever known. The primary and secondary section of the school are just across the road from each other. I made lots of friends, friendships that I thought will last a lifetime; friendships I thought will remain even after I left my sanctuary. never happend. We still do keep in touch every now and then but the feeling is not the same anymore. Oh well..I guess people just move on...

5 years ago, I entered another comfort zone. It was only a short lived moment but it was a great experience and I made lots of good friends. Again, we promised each other that we will be friends for life; we will send each other pink "summons" when the time comes and will be godma's for the offspring that we bear; we will share every secret, every gossip, every mundane detail in our lives even though we are seperated by the sea and land. Yet, we failed. Or maybe I failed in fulfilling our promises. I don't know.

But thanks to the advancement of technology like MSN, Blogs, Friendster and Yahoo Groups, we need not speak to each other or meet face to face to know that the people who once shared our lives are doing well.

We have come a long way. Now, most of us are 23 this year and 23 is the age where school is out for most. Some have gone on to pursue their dream jobs, some have remained in University (like yours truly), some have returned home and started jobs which they hardly enjoy and some have tied the knot and have babies to care for.

A friend whom I know would never give up anything for anything related to technology wrote this on his blog...

"With cash coming in every month, I’m saving up for more important things now."

The second part of his sentence, "I'm saving up for more important things now" made me realise that yes, we have come a long long way. Our priorities have changed. It is time for us to really act and behave like mature young adults. It is time for us to set aside our selfish desires to build a bright future, not just for ourselves but for our life partner and our offspring.


Tuesday, February 28, 2006


The lift in the library is out of order today. Not that it was a nasty climb up to the top floor where my favourite seat is, but the ''OUT OF ORDER'' sign just didn't look like a good start to a sunny (but freezing) Tuesday morning.

''OUT OF ORDER'' - the sign that irks almost all of us. The faithful lift is out of order, the only clean toilet available in the building is out of order, the escalator which takes us from one floor to another without being confined in a small box is out of order and the much needed public telephone on the side of the road is out of order just when our trusty mobile phone runs out of battery and we have an emergency call to make.

Why can't the University or School or Office be ''OUT OF ORDER'' for one day?


Monday, February 27, 2006

Morbid Monday - Are you afraid of death?

I was talking over the phone with a friend yesterday afternoon and the morbid topic of death came up. She asked me whether I'm afraid of death. Am I?

I'm not. I'm not afraid of death befalling me because my faith tells me that when I leave this world, I will be in Heaven with my Father forever and ever. There will be endless hapiness and endless peace in Heaven. No more troubles, no more wars and no more fighting.

But my friend said that she is afraid of death because she has so many things she has not done in this world yet; so many unfulfilled dreams, so many unseen places and untouched faces.

Tbere may be a million and one things left to do but after that million and one things are done, won't there be a million and one more to do? It will be a never ending cycle!

Last week I suggested to Vinz that we should look for an elixir of life, a pill that once taken will ensure that we live forever and ever. And he answered...

''Crazy so long for what? Live long means must work and work and work non-stop you know. Don't you want a break?''

Then he added...

''Die already can be with God in Heaven mahh...''

And that was so comforting to hear. God is waiting for us in Heaven. He will welcome us with warm and loving arms. We will be reunited again with our Maker and it is so comforting to know that whatever happens, our Father will always be there for us.

So...I'm not afraid of death. Are you?

P.S. I'm very blessed to have a boyfriend who shares the same faith as me. At least I know we won't argue because of the difference in our faiths :)


Thursday, February 23, 2006

I take 30, he takes 5. What about you?

Its Thursday today. Another day before the weekend officially begins. Weekends are spent usually in the company of friends for me and Vinz. Company of friends meaning company of his friends. Since I have moved on to another level of education and to another campus, I have lost a big bulk of my undergraduate friends. Almost everyone I know in my class has either gone home or moved on to another university, another town, another country. I do have some friends from my current class but we are not so close. Its funny that the older I get, the harder it is to make close friends.

Anyway...back to the topic of weekends. Our weekend starts on Friday night. We usually go out for a meal with some friends in the city. We like to try different foods. The last time we had Turkish. But most of the time, we are conventional. Its either Thai or Chinese. After dinner, depending on the crowd that we go out with, we will either go to the bar to have some drinks or adjourn back to a friend's house for a few rounds of blackjack and poker. Friday night will end with me and Vinz relaxing on our bed watching a movie till I fall asleep on his shoulder.

Saturdays are spent walking around the city, doing a bit of shopping and eating our weekend food - McD! I don't know why we keep going for McD on Saturdays but we really look forward to it. Dinner is usually at home with a bottle of wine and freshly cooked steak. We then watch a movie or two before adjourning to the bed..hehehe... :P

You see...I have written about how we spend our weekends. What we do outside and inside our home. But I have not written about how long we spend in getting ready to go out.

I need at least 30 minutes to get myself looking presentable. Vinz will usually be sitting in front of his computer while I moisturise, apply powder, put on some eye shadow, mascara, blusher and lipstick. Before that I will rummage through my cupboard to choose what to wear for that day. I usually take out a few pieces before finally choosing one. Actually, its before Vinz chooses one for me. Then I will need to decide what shoes to wear and which handbag to carry. After I am done, only then can we go out.

How long does it take you to get ready? What do you do during the weekends?