Friday, January 27, 2006

New Year, New Luck

Its Chinese New Year in a couple of days. Ahhh...when I think back of CNY past...so many fond memories fill my head. This is the 4th CNY I'm away from home, 4th CNY not having the luxury to enjoy this festive occasion with the family and 4th CNY not being able to have the thrill of feeling red packets i.e. trying to guess if the contents is orange, green or dark green or maybe purple or just dark blue?

After so many years abroad, CNY still is significant to me. It is the time of the year where everyone gets together for a meal, to recap on old times and to usher in the new. Since we don't have our family here, our friends have become our family. We still try to keep the tradition alive. We visit each other, eat cookies and just enjoy the occasion with lots and lots of booze and gambling. Afterall, what is CNY without loud noises and the exchange of money?

Today, I will uphold the tradition that my father taught me. He was taught by his mother. And she was taught by her own mother. So...it has been running in our family for many years. I will pop into the bank later today to exchange for a couple of crispy new 5 pound notes to put into my wallet. New money, new luck.

Happy Chinese New Year to all! And may the Year of the Dog bring good health, lots of wealth and happiness to everyone! :)

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Monday, January 16, 2006

Damn the E word !

Last year this time, I was consoling myself that this will be the second last batch of exams I will ever have to take in my entire life. But...I was so wrong.

Tomorrow is the begining of my first batch of business related exams and I'm all nervous. Not as nervous as I was for law, but I'm nervous as I don't know what to expect. At least for law, I knew I had to solve problems, lengthy problems. But for business? What do I have to do? Give examples? Define concepts? What??

Sigh.

This better really be the second last batch of exams I will ever need to do in my entire life.

I am officially sick and tired of the damn E word already.

p.s. Vinz is back. That's one good news in my depressing state of life thanks to E's.

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Thursday, January 12, 2006

Tuition teachers who are too dedicated...

My neighbour's mother back in Malaysia is 77 years old this year. She fell down while getting up from the chair about a month ago. It was a terrible fall. The pain was unbearable. She couldn't walk for about a week and even after she could walk, the pain was still there. So, my neighbour (who lost her husband to cancer 5 years ago) had to hire an Indonesian maid to help her look after her mother. Auntie called her brother who lives in Birmingham to come back to Malaysia to visit his ailing mother. He came the very next day. She called her sister in KL to come. She came the next day too. But she had to leave the following day...why?

"I have to go back lah. Got tuition to give. Cannot miss."

Sigh. Her mother is sick. So sick in fact that now she has developed a stomach ulcer. Her stomach bled till she fainted in the toilet and was foaming at the mouth. Yet her daughter in KL refuses to visit her because of her tuition classes.

What a dedicated teacher...but a horrible daughter...

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Sunday, January 08, 2006

Losing It Again...

It was late Friday night here in UK and it was early Saturday morning in Malaysia. I called home to wish my parents a safe journey to KL. However, they were still in bed at 7.30am! My dad picked up his handphone and said a cracky hello. The moment I heard his voice, I lost it all. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I tried hard to stiffle my sobs. I missed home so much when I heard my dad speaking to me. We hardly ever speak over the phone mainly because I have nothing much to say to him but whenever we do, I am always choked with emotion.

I can't really remember the last time I missed home. It probably was the time I came back from my Christmas holiday in Malaysia and Singapore 2 years ago. I missed home terribly that I kept telling my mother that I wanted to go home in Easter and not finish my 3rd year here in Nottingham. I even researched online the numerous private colleges in KL which will accept 3rd year law students to continue their degree there. I found a few. I told all these to my mother and she said ok...do what you want to do. But I knew that she didn't mean it. Of course she wanted to continue with my education. Of course she wanted me to do well and excel. She only said that to comfort me and it worked. She encouraged me to go on a holiday to Europe with my friends. She assured that me I could call her anytime of the day, regardless whether it was morning, noon or night in Malaysia.

And all I could do was blame her. I blamed her for sending me away to boarding school at 17. I blamed her for allowing me to further my studies in the UK. I blamed her for encouraging me to choose to read law. I blamed her for everything in my life that did not go well.

But she did not reprimand me for all the blame. She took it all with stride and said all she wanted was the best for me and she misses me too.

I miss my parents. I miss home. I miss my sister and my nephew. I miss everything at home from my bed to the garden to the piano and every other little thing in the house.

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Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Am I a Case of Sour Grapes?

I watched with interest the interview by The Star with our ex-queen Tuanku Siti Aishah. Throughout the interview, I must say that she gave quite intelligent and diplomatic answers. I always have admiration for people who are able to answer tough and emotionally linked questions on the spot like that. I wonder whether I will ever be as tactful as her and other personalities who have been "grilled" by journalists and interviewers alike.

I guess many people from the outside looking in would gauge her life as glamorous and more than anyone could ask for. Afterall, she has travelled the world and must have been to her favourite holiday destination a trillion times. She surely has a collection of LV's, Prada's, Gucci's and what have you in her large closet of clothes and accessories. But I really really wonder...is she...or was she truly happy throughout that 11 years being a royal consort to a man 46 years her senior?

Only she knows I guess...

Big house...Big car...Big everything...does it really entail happiness?

Sometimes when I question things like this...I find myself being a case of sour grapes. Is it because that I don't have so many Big's in my life that I question the happiness of people who have them?

What does it mean to be truly happy?

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Sunday, January 01, 2006

The Begining...

It was nearing 9pm UK time last night but Vinz was still wide awake in Malaysia. We talked over the phone...telling each other how much we love and miss one another. We were counting the days till we meet again. It is 11 more days to be exact. We both agreed that the most important day in 2005 was the day we got together. My thoughts then drifted back to the first time I heard his name...

It was the 31st of December 2004. My laptop was acting up after nearly 3 years of continuous service. I had no one to call but MF who obliged to come over to help me fix it. He proposed a complete reformating of my laptop and I agreed. He brought with him a portable hard drive to back up all my documents, songs, videos and photos. It belonged to his housemate, Vincent. I stored it all, he reformated it and I attempted to put my stuff back into my newly reformated laptop again. Unfortunately, ALL my videos and songs were missing! At that point in time, I was literally fuming mad with that Vincent. What kind of hard drive eats people's stuff?

Then it was the 26th of January. MF got his much sought after job in HSBC London. He called me and Laura for dinner and mentioned that his housemate, Vincent will be joining us as well. I thought...good...I can see that idiot whose hard drive ate my cartoons, Cantonese serials and Chinese songs. MF came to Hugh Stu to pick me up and I saw Vincent sitting at the front seat. Funny though. When I saw him, I couldn't bring myself to scold him for all the pain he caused me...

Vincent and I exchanged pleasantaries and I found him to be a humurous fella. He kept using the word "dumb" which I found particularly funny. After dinner, MF sent me back and that was it. I never thought that I would see that housemate of his again. Afterall, he did not make a big impression on me anyway...

A few days later, I got invited to Laura's place for dinner. I made chocolate chip cookies and brought them over. That Vincent turned up again. I thought to myself...must be lazy to cook at home lah...that's why come to people's house for dinner. He took a bite of my cookie and said..."OK lah". I wasn't too pleased as my cookies are known to be nothing short of delicious. The usual SR crowd came for dinner and poor Vincent was left out of most of the conversations as he did not know any of them. So, I tried to make him feel comfortable and started to chat with him a little. After a few more conversation exchanges, I thought....Hey...this guy is interesting!

The next day, I got a Frienster request from him. I added him and told him to add me to his MSN. We chatted online and I gave him my phone number without even him needing to ask me. I don't know why I did that really...I just felt like it.

That night, he SMS'ed me at nearly 2 in the morning. I replied and told him that I was annoyed by being disturbed so late into the night. But deep inside...I was delighted!

We kept exchanging SMS'es and kept chatting online. We even had lunch at McD's in the city and watched a movie together. I then became a regular fixture in his house as MF went back to Malaysia for a holiday. He cooked and we watched movies on his laptop. Sparks began to fly but I suppressed those feelings just in case he didn't feel the same way.

I was sick once and he came all the way to Hugh Stu to bring me a pot of steaming chicken porridge to make me feel better. I was so so touched by that gesture...

I received a box of flowers from him, a tiny little teddy bear and a chocolate for Valentine's Day. 6 days later, I went over to his place again to watch The Grudge. It was really scary and there were certain parts where I clung to him like super glue. He took advantage of that and held me tightly and whispered in my ear...

"Don't worry...I'm here...Don't be frightened anymore...I'm here..."

And that was it. That was how we got together and like I said in my previous post, we have not looked back since. Vinz is gentle, kind and loving. He may snore every night and is too fat for his own good but I don't care...All I know is that he loves me with all his heart and I do too.

The feeling is different from all the other men I have been with.

I am confident to say that Vinz is the ONE. He is everything in a man that I can ask for. He never bothers whether I put on make up or not when I step out of the house. He eats all the food that I cook and all the goodies that I bake without a single complaint. He gets along with my parents. He thinks about our future and works hard to make our dreams come true. He lives up to his promises. He makes me feel like his princess. He lets me bite him whenever I'm stresed. He shares his anxieties, hopes and dreams with me and so do I.

And most of all...He LOVES ME for ME!

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