Wednesday, May 03, 2006

A walk down memory lane again...

It was a lonely night wtihout Vinz around. The house was so quiet I could hear a pin drop on the carpet. I buried my head into my books and journals till wee hours of the morning. Then I decided to give my old friend from college, Ying, a call. We had a good time chatting for nearly 30 minutes when she had to hang up and get ready for work. I really miss Ying. It was always the 3 of us, Ying, Hilda and I. The trio whom KTJ students especially the boys named ''The 3 bitches''. Not proud to be named as one but that was how close we were. We ate, we studied, we went for classes, heck...sometimes we even camped in each other's bed together. Ohhh how I miss those days!!

It has been 4 years since we left college but we still keep in touch via phone and MSN and it is so good to know that our friendship has stood the test of time. We talked about how we hated each others' guts when we first stepped into Jawahir House. Thanks to our housemistress who realised how much we hated each other, we became close friends...the inseperable trio. She made the three of us work together on the college's Open Day project. We were to be in charge of the decorations of house's booth, the face painting activities and the balloon blowing. Heh...I remembered that we put two big balloons over our purple house t-shirt and we kept laughing and laughing as it looked so much like one of our Mat Salleh teacher in school :P

We talked about how our lives have changed since we left college. We talked about the string of boyfriends we had since then. We talked about our future. We talked about how different our thinking has become now when compared to our college days.

We still had the girly laughters. We still teased each others' funny moments in college like how Ying sat on a bowl of duck flavoured instant noodles and we had to eat it even though we just ate one 5 minutes ago. We laughed at Brian McKnight's ''Back at One'', the hockey stick, umbrella and the sound of crashing plates.

I miss Ying and Hilda. I miss our carefree life in college. We were three of a kind...the nerd, the street wise and the emotional.

We ended our conversation with....see you's and take care's, wondering when will the 'see you' bit materialise...


Tuesday, May 02, 2006

An Open Letter

An open letter to my dear friend...

Dear friend,
I know that sometimes you do come visit my blog and leave an occasional comment or two; that is the reason why I'm writing you this open letter. I know from your blog that you have decided to let go of a two year long distance relationship. You are so brave to let it go and maintain an open mind. I am sure that it must have hurt you so much to come to this conclusion but you were brave enough to make this step. There are many things in life that we cannot predict. There are many things in life that we want so much to happen but by twists of fates, it never happends.

When I look back at my own LDR nearly two years ago, I realise now how cowardly I was. There were no more sparks; no more chemistry; just cold calls and forced dedications of love. I was trying to window dress a relationship that was beyond any dressing up. No matter how much powder I tried to cover the bumps and bruises, the internal injury never healed. I thought I could be brave when the plug was pulled but again I was cowardly. I chose to hide behind the fact that the life of the relationship could be saved and revived again. I chose to open the doors to opportunities that never existed. It was a dark and lonely road for me. No one held my hand and showed me the way. No one said that everything would be ok. No one offered their shoulder for me to cry on because I kept on putting a facade; a facade that I have been putting on my entire life. I carried a face of strength, confidence and optimism. I never wanted to lose. I always wanted to win. The thought of losing irks me. The thought of winning spurred more facades.

I am proud of you my friend. You have chosen to end something which has stopped growing. Maybe this is the winter of your relationship. Maybe spring will come again for you. Or maybe this winter will last forever and ever. Like you said, maybe one day your paths may cross again. One can never know...only time will tell. But for now my friend...grieve if you want to. Don't bury your hurt under a million blankets. Don't be like me. Don't put on facades. I am always here to be your listening ear and your shoulder to cry on if you need any...